Posts tagged ‘The Onion’

Man Confidently Hits ‘Send’ On Worst Job Application Company Has Ever Seen

Resumes for DummiesAfter a quick yet confident once-over that unfortunately caught none of the rampant spelling errors, clunky prose, and overly casual language throughout his cover letter and résumé, job hopeful Mark Lopez hit “send” on the worst application California-based marketing firm Precision Intermedia has ever seen, sources confirmed Monday.

No – this isn’t from CTRN, ERE.net or SHRM, but it could be. In another “ha ha fiction funny but true” article, America’s Finest News Source The Onion delivers a great example of How Not to Get a Job. This is spot on satire that many of my recruiter buddies could have written. Check out the entire insightful but brief piece here:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-confidently-hits-send-on-worst-job-application,34716/

In this short masterpiece, the careless actions of applicant Mark Lopez result in a resume that becomes the one that HR says is “going up on the bulletin board.”

It could be that Lopez was practicing the NotJobs blog wisdom shared in last April’s popular infographic:
https://notjobs.wordpress.com/2013/04/07/infographic-why-resumes-are-rejected/

Or it could be that this applicant comes by these skills naturally. Many people do.

9 January 2014 at 1:00AM Leave a comment

‘I Would Be Absolutely Perfect For This,’ Report 1,400 People Looking At Same Job Posting

The Onion nails it with a story that all recruiters will believe about the number of perfect applicants for a marketing job at Swensen Digital:

‘I Would Be Absolutely Perfect For This,’ Report 1,400 People Looking At Same Job Posting

SAN FRANCISCO—Upon coming across the same job posting Monday for a full-time position at a local startup company, an estimated 1,400 people reportedly described the opening as “a perfect fit” for their qualifications, saying it was exactly the opportunity they’ve been waiting for. “I have all the skills they want, my experience matches up—I honestly don’t know if there’s anyone out there better suited for this job than me,” said unemployed man Charles Duncan, echoing the sentiments of 1,400 others, 900 of whom believe their facility with social media and knowledge of web design will definitely make their application “stand out from the rest of the pack.”

See the video or the full text story to see how it worked out.

5 July 2013 at 2:19AM Leave a comment

The Start of the Great Boomer Workforce Exodus?

Last week, the first Boomer applied for Social Security. Aren’t these folks the ones who first branded themselves with the mantra, “Never Trust Anyone Over Thirty”? That great sucking sound you hear is billions of dollars leaving the Social Security Trust Fund.

America’s first “baby boomer” filed for Social Security benefits Monday, becoming among the first of nearly 80 million Americans born after World War II who are expected to apply for such benefits over the next two decades.

Kathleen Casey-Kirschling, 61, was born one second after midnight on Jan. 1, 1946. She becomes eligible for Social Security in two and a half months. On Monday, she completed filing electronically for the benefits before a horde of reporters and photographers at the National Press Club in Washington, D.C.

[snip]

In what’s being called America’s “silver tsunami,” 10,000 Americans a day will become eligible for Social Security benefits over the next 20 years.

This could be the start of the Great Boomer Workforce exodus. These same 10,000 Americans will be changing their work habits. We don’t yet know if these Boomers will have enough on hand to start retiring at 62.5 years, but some will.

This could lead to more part-time and intermittent workers as these Boomers start taking time off to smell the roses. On the other hand, some analysts suggest that the Boomers lack of strong money management skills will mean that many will be forced push off retirement until they’re in their 70’s. The upcoming labor shortage will also mean that some companies will provide incentives to keep their Boomers on the payroll.

Or, this could be the start of what The Onion named the “The Long-Awaited Baby Boomer Die-Off“.

Articles of note:

23 October 2007 at 4:55AM Leave a comment


My Core Ideas

1. "I can't tell you the best way to get a job - because there is no one best way. After 21 years of recruiting, I CAN share things I've seen candidates do to guarantee they DIDN'T get the job."

2. "Most companies don't realize how their recruiting process impacts their candidate pool, and their business. Attention to simple things will result in big improvements."

About the Author

Troy Bettinger, SPHR is a Denver Recruiter, Public Speaker, HR Metrics Analyst and Human Resources Leader who has been recruiting in corporate and municipal environments since 1991.

He specializes in the complete hiring process: defining, sourcing, recruiting, testing, interviewing, offering and orienting new hires. He's also well versed in strategic human resources, college recruiting, diversity recruiting, AAP, EEO, ATS integration, recruiting metrics, social media, recruiting leadership, training and employment branding.

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