Over on the Greyzone blog, the inimitable Tami Palmer, (Colorado’s Job Search Coach, Career Mentor, Author and Donut Girl), has just penned a useful article on How to Screw Up Your Resume So You Won’t Get the Job. Actually, since Tami is a gentle, positive, and encouraging soul, she doesn’t put it that way. Instead, she titled her article You Have 7 Seconds to Turn Your Resume from a ‘No’ into a ‘Yes’. In it, she writes:
Did you know that the average resumé is looked at for seven seconds? Yes, only seven seconds. Based on my own experience as a recruiter, I think that’s actually generous, as the time is often even less
( I agree 100%, Tami!)
Recently, Tami has been supporting one of her clients by reading resumes and sorting them into Yes/No/Maybe folders. This is a worthy task for any recruiter. The chance to skim a bulk volume of bad resumes inspired Tami to write her story.
Tami shares four techniques for How Not to Get a Job – Make sure your resume has:
- No relevant career experience in the field/role.
- A career path not aligned with company or role.
- A cover letter addressed to wrong company.
- Not shared necessary details.
Tami did a good job of covering the basics. NotJobs readers may remember a few other ideas on how to blow it:
Please see the full text of Tami’s article. She’s offered some good advice.
Noon Update: fixed the broken links!
After a quick yet confident once-over that unfortunately caught none of the rampant spelling errors, clunky prose, and overly casual language throughout his cover letter and résumé, job hopeful Mark Lopez hit “send” on the worst application California-based marketing firm Precision Intermedia has ever seen, sources confirmed Monday.
No – this isn’t from CTRN, ERE.net or SHRM, but it could be. In another “ha ha fiction funny but true” article, America’s Finest News Source The Onion delivers a great example of How Not to Get a Job. This is spot on satire that many of my recruiter buddies could have written. Check out the entire insightful but brief piece here:
In this short masterpiece, the careless actions of applicant Mark Lopez result in a resume that becomes the one that HR says is “going up on the bulletin board.”
It could be that Lopez was practicing the NotJobs blog wisdom shared in last April’s popular infographic:
Or it could be that this applicant comes by these skills naturally. Many people do.
Submitted for your approval, a letter of rejection sent after a resume review step, purportedly from the Cadbury Chocolate Company:
Dear Mr. X
We regret to inform you that your application for the position of Global Quality Manager has been unsuccessful. We don’t normally respond to unsuccessful applicants but in your case we’ve made an exception in order to return the £5 note you attached to the references section of your application under the line “Elizabeth *wink wink*”
This letter may be apocryphal, but some sites in Great Britain quote the full tweet with the original image. Cadbury is doing the right thing by sending this letter and returning the cash, even though the sender is “outside of the standard distribution.”