NotJobs: How NOT to get that attorney job

But then I realized that I was not applying to a stuffy ass federal prosecutor or corporate law job…

Thanks to Eagle I On-line, here are some humorous examples of bad cover letter text from aspiring lawyers. Susan Gainen at University of Minnesota Law School’s Career & Professional Development Blog published these actual errors from last year’s job seekers:

1. Trial advocacy and the defense of the indignant are the two primary forces behind my study of the law.
2. I would appreciate an opportunity to discuss my qualifications and how foregoing a relationship would be mutually beneficial.
3. If assiduousness and passion were candy, then I would leave you with a mouthful of cavities.
4. My anal retentiveness to minute details is quite possibly one of my greatest strengths, not withstanding my sense of humor.
5. As an inspiring defense attorney, I am particularly interested in working with the Public Defender Service.

She also notes that one shouldn’t walk in to the Hiring Partner’s office and say “I’d like to work here for a couple of years and then decide what I really want to do.”

See the whole sordid mess here.

NotJobs: How NOT to Get a Job via Social Networking

A few weeks ago, I found an old high school acquaintance on LinkedIn. Shortly after my invitation was accepted, she sent a blizzard of requests for introductions and job search help. No complaints there – as a recruiter in this economy, I’m used to getting asked to help with job searches. But it was glaringly obvious that my acquaintance  had not even read the profiles of the people targeted by her introduction requests.

I’m pretty strict when it comes to people using my LinkedIn network. My philosophy on LinkedIn is that introductions have to make us both look good. My bar is pretty high, which helps me keep my connections from a lot of spurious traffic. I know that this is different than other people’s introduction philosophy. So when this intro blizzard arrived, I explained my philosophy and recommended she make a few changes her introductions.

I wish I had been able to point her to Scott Hepburn’s posting on the Media Emerging Blog about How NOT to Get a Job via Social Networking. Scott makes five points on how to use these tools to wreck your job search:

• Blank/Incomplete Profile
• “I Need a Job” Bio
• Connect But Don’t Engage
• Asking for Referrals Before You’ve Earned Them
• No Blog (Or Other “Content Central”)

Scott has some great tips on how to deal with these issues. Check them out here. He’s also asking for your thoughts on Twitter.

BTW: My new LinkedIn connection didn’t take me up on my suggestions.

NotJobs: How Not to Get the Recruiter to Call

Kris Dunn has a great blog at HR Capitalist. A few days ago Kris posted a take on how candidates kill their chances with voice mail. Here’s a snippet:

Press ‘1′ To Eliminate Yourself Immediately As a Candidate…

Just called a strong candidate back after a phone interview to set up a face-to-face session.  Hadn’t gotten her voice mail yet in the process.  Got it this time – BAM!!!  I’m treated to 30 seconds of a profane Notorious B.I.G track before the innocent, professional voice I was expecting comes through over the track during the chorus.  Professional position, 50-60K job.  Bye-Bye…

It would be the same deal whether it was Marilyn Manson or Larry the Cable Guy.  Market to me, the recruiter.  Don’t take risky chances with your brand when I call.

Suggestion: See the whole article:

http://www.hrcapitalist.com/2009/02/press-1-to-eliminate-yourself-immediately-as-a-candidate.html

How not to get a job…or then ridiculousness ensued

Last summer Natalie at the caution: human being blog was looking to pay good money to someone to help her. Ridiculousness ensued. She documented her frustrations with the applicants in general, and one applicant named Bacon in particular. Here are a few snippets of the conversation:

A couple months ago, I was swamped with freelance work and looking for someone to help me out by doing some work – mostly HTML and CSS. I posted an ad on Craig’s List being pretty specific about what I was looking for. I got a number of responses, most of them with truly awful web portfolios full of web sites built with table-based layouts when I had specifically asked for someone proficient in table-less layouts. Anyway, there were two or three promising prospects in the bunch, so I set about scheduling interviews with them.

Natalie tried to be reasonable with Bacon.  She asked multiple times for code samples, and after much torture, she got him to send a template which Bacon claimed he wrote on his own. When she tried to clarify, Bacon went to a bad place and copped an ego:

Bacon was apparently offended.

by the way, the spacing in the left nav is different reflecting rather or not there are sub items, so there. There is nothing wrong with it. good luck with your “company”.

“So there”?

More ridiculousness ensued. The applicant blocked her e-mails.  She gave up on him.

But then, Natalie received this e-mail:

Natalie,

Should I expect a phone conversation sometime this evening? Please keep me updated.

- Bacon

I swear I could not make this up if I tried. Now he was still expecting me to conduct the phone interview? I was so angry. I vented to a friend who pointed out that if I kept it going Bacon was just crazy enough to continue escalating the situation and driving me mad. At my wise friend’s advice I wrote Bacon:

I’ve selected the person for the position. Thank you for your interest, and good luck to you in the future.

It the hardest email I ever wrote. I typed “So there!” at the end of it, then deleted it at least twenty times before finally hitting the Send button.

See the whole thing here: How not to get a job…or then ridiculousness ensued

Liz on ‘10 Ways to Ruin a Job Interview’

On the YahooHotJobs site, 25-year HR veteran Liz Ryan provides some great advice on 10 job-interview gaffes to avoid.

1. Complaining about the parking or directions.
2. Bad-mouthing your previous job, manager, or company.
3. Digging into details off the bat.
4. Groveling.
5. Answering a question before you understand it.
6. Spacing out.
7. Slouching.
8. Cursing.
9. “Opening the kimono.”
10. Doing anything disgusting.

See her site for all the details.

NotJobs: 6 Reasons You Failed the Phone Interview

Alison Green blogs at Ask a Manager, and writes as an outside voice for US News & World Report. Her recent article about phone interviews details six ways how not to get a job:

6 Reasons You Failed the Phone Interview

Alison Green

Here are some ways to quickly fail the phone interview:

1. Not displaying a grasp of what the job is all about.
2. Not asking any questions.
3. Not paying attention to tone of voice.
4. Having an overly casual manner.
5. Giving longwinded answers.
6. Missing the call.

Ms. Green has some good advice, so go see the full article. Let me add one of my own:

7. Using a Cheesy Cell Phone. Nothing enhances your interview image like a partial connection that hisses, pops and drops every third syllable. My advice is to double-check your cover, and plan to use a land-line where ever possible. Oh – and just because you can do a phone interview while walking down a busy urban street doesn’t mean you should. The honking and traffic noises will interfere with your interview.

[Yes, this has actually happened. A sales candidate did this during an interview a few years back. He tried to do have the interview standing next to a bus, and the exhaust noise drowned out his voice. He didn't get the job.]

NotJobs: Speling prblems coz moor pblems

I’m going out on a limb here, intending to offer some advice that I haven’t seen on any other recruiting blogs. This comes from an issue that chewed up a big chunk of my working time today. The advice is:

When applying for a job, it is a good idea to correctly spell your name.

The Fail Blog’s Best "No Thanks" Letter

From the Beeb, via the Fail Blog, a great “No Thanks” Letter:

See the Fail Blog for more. (Please be prepared for some adult language.)

7 Tips to Blow a Job Interview

Marty M. Fahncke, Founder of Conference Call University and President of FawnKey & Associates, has a blog where he shares his perspectives. Last March, Marty was interviewing for administrative help. It wasn’t going well. So Marty jotted down a few observations.

Here are two of his seven (actually, eight) points:

7 tips to totally blow a job interview

#1 Don’t follow the instructions for submitting your resume. If they ask you to email it, fax it instead. If they ask you to send it by postal mail, it’s easier just to email it, right? Hiring managers love to hire people who can’t follow simple directions.

#3 During the interview, be sure to cut the interviewer off and start answering before he/she finishes a question. You are sure to give a 100% answer with only 50% of the question.

See the whole thing.

NotJobs: "Well, if I can’t find anything better…"

Brett Nordquist has an article about a recent encounter at a career fair:

About an hour into the fair, a man approached my booth and we chatted for a few minutes. Before he left he picked up one of my business cards and said:

Well, if I can’t find anything better, I’ll give you a call and see if we can work something out.

That’s always the best way to show commitment to your potential employer.