Natali, the Thinking Blonde

Natali is the Thinking Blonde, and she’s also hiring for tutors:

Every year, around this time, I recruit for some new blood on my team of tutors. This year is no different, and this week, as I screen resumes I am reminded once again of how many people are so poorly prepared to apply for jobs. I’m not sure if this is a failure on the part of high school “career” classes or parents not teaching their kids this necessary skill… but it is sorely lacking, at least from what I am seeing, OVER and OVER again.

Natali – I agree. That’s why I started this blog!

Natali goes on to list her top 10 faux pas committed by people in their applications or  interviews. Here are my favorites:

2. Read the position posting carefully. If you ask me questions that are clearly answered by my posting, I am getting the impression that you are careless or don’t pay attention.
3. If you are relatively young or relatively inexperienced, I’d rather you have a shorter, well written resume with a nice cover letter than one you are trying to pad with things that are mostly irrelevant, such as your experiences in junior high cheerleading and playing softball.
9. Follow directions. If the ad you are responding to says, to apply, send your resume and cover letter, and then goes ON to say, cover letters are required for consideration – and then you STILL just send a resume – I have ZERO faith you will follow instructions on the job.

Great points – especially the last one.  In my experience, application instructions are hints from the staff about how to successfully complete the process, not a challenge to be mastered and overcome.

Natali – thanks for sharing your wisdom. I encourage everyone to go see the whole thing, which can be found here:
http://onmywaythere-nc.blogspot.com/2009/09/applying-for-job-101.html

But then I realized that I was not applying to a stuffy ass federal prosecutor or corporate law job…

Thanks to Eagle I On-line, here are some humorous examples of bad cover letter text from aspiring lawyers. Susan Gainen at University of Minnesota Law School’s Career & Professional Development Blog published these actual errors from last year’s job seekers:

1. Trial advocacy and the defense of the indignant are the two primary forces behind my study of the law.
2. I would appreciate an opportunity to discuss my qualifications and how foregoing a relationship would be mutually beneficial.
3. If assiduousness and passion were candy, then I would leave you with a mouthful of cavities.
4. My anal retentiveness to minute details is quite possibly one of my greatest strengths, not withstanding my sense of humor.
5. As an inspiring defense attorney, I am particularly interested in working with the Public Defender Service.

She also notes that one shouldn’t walk in to the Hiring Partner’s office and say “I’d like to work here for a couple of years and then decide what I really want to do.”

See the whole sordid mess here.

The NotHired site is a hoot! NotHired is run by “a dedicated group of HR monkeys and hiring managers” who “see thousands of cover letters and resumes every month. Some of them desperately need to be shared.” They’ve listed many great examples of horrible cover letters and resumes. Their site is “Dedicated to all those who wonder why no one has called to set up an interview…”

Here’s the best of the worst:

Hello,
I don’t know Craig personally, but my friend told me about his list and I saw your job on there.

The NotHired authors point out this message came from an AOL address.

Over on the Cyberia forums, where urban planners discuss our future cities, the Cyburbian Cardinal reports about the resumes he’s been reviewing. The problems he sees are not limited to his field. In the sample below, the original resume verbiage is in italics.

Post of the Day | Careers How not to get a job

Energetic young planner seeks exciting position in big city
Turn-ons include new urbanism and long moonlit walks on the beach. No. This is not on online dating service, and drop the adjectives. Highlight your experience and skills.

Graduate student seeking mid-level position
You are under-qualified for a mid-level position. People in mid-level positions got there by having years of experience, not a degree. A graduate degree with less than 2-4 years of experience is still an entry-level position just about anywhere.

Check out the original for the Cardinal’s other observations, and some great comments.

I can’t say that the following posts are the best of my writing on this blog, but they are the posts that seem to attract the most attention. These five postings (in no particular order) have been showing up in many Internet searches, and therefore got most of the traffic in 2007.

How Not to Get a Job at Wieden + Kennedy
http://notjobs.wordpress.com/2007/04/22/how-not-to-get-a-job-at-wieden-kennedy/

How Not to Get a Job: Fake Your Credentials
http://notjobs.wordpress.com/2007/05/18/faking-your-credentials-and-disparate-impact/

Myths – Headhunters get jobs for candidates
http://notjobs.wordpress.com/2007/08/28/myths-headhunters-get-jobs-for-candidates/

Tips: Longhorn cover letters-bad, better, best
http://notjobs.wordpress.com/2007/10/28/tips-longhorn-cover-letters-bad-better-best/

Man fired for posting ‘Dilbert’ comparing boss to drunken lemur
http://notjobs.wordpress.com/2007/12/23/man-fired-for-posting-dilbert-comparing-boss-to-drunken-lemur/

On to a great 2008!

Sarah at Palimpsest blogs about the experience of sifting through resumes. Palimpsest is the blog for Scriptorium Publishing, a technical publishing company based in Research Triangle Park, NC. Having received the usual mess, Sarah’s not enjoying the responses:

Cover letter for the wrong position. Of the resumes that did arrived with cover letters, about one third (!!!!) referenced a position at a different company. Several letters arrived looking something like this:

I am very interested in the position of [Not Our Position Name], especially since I am so interested in the [Not Us] industry. As you can see from my resume, I am very detail-oriented.

It’s not good when your resume makes me snort.

Yep. Snorting is not good.

See the whole thing at How Not to Get a Job at Scriptorium Publishing

Killian and Company is a creative Chicago ad agency that collects awful cover letters, most presented by intern candidates. They’ve presented many of the submissions they’ve received on a gruesome and horrifying page. Here’s an example, which should be studied by anyone seeking a job (the comments in green are from the company):

“I need real world experience and after reviewing your web site I get the impressing that your company believes in maintain a lax work environment while efficiently meeting the needs of it’s customers (right?).” [We replied to this college senior, on an ill-advised rescue impulse, gently suggesting he get some remedial help with his writing, since he had an error in every single sentence of his three-page letter. His furious four-page reply included some amazing stuff, such as]

“…you should be straight forward and … simply state that your company is seeking a grammar teacher who lacks creativity but knows how to properly write a letter and knows exactly where to place punctuation. If your company takes such a serious position towards proper grammar then I think you guys are in the wrong profession. I believe even the leader of this country that we live in lacks proper grammar yet he is still our leader. I can assure you that he leaves grammar and punctuation to the proper authorities such as his receptionist or grade school English teacher. …I am not precisely sure why you choose to take such a stance perhaps because you have nothing better to do, or maybe because you have personal insecurities that seep out and you feel the need to degrade or target others based on stupid little infractions to make yourself feel better, I don’t know what the case is … if I am out of line please let me know but if I recall properly your companies web site is not the most professional site there is. If you guys are trying to project a laid back yet hard working image through your site and request the same from prospective employees then you should not be so prudent about minor infractions such as punctuation and grammar…. (I reread it before sending it and it states my point clearly and unless you lack the mental capacity to make out the meaning without having exact and precisise grammar maybe you should seek a new proffsion, I hear this country lacks alot of grammar school teachers perhaps that would be a better fit for you) In conclusion I have indeed made many mistakes in this e-mail many on purpose and many accidentaly I did not have the time nor the patientce to deal with it I will leave the grammer checking to the professionals such as yourself.” [Editor's note: although his response fascinated us, you can understand why we no longer reply to the Differently Stable.]

Oh. My.

Go see the whole page of examples on the Cover Letters from Hell page.

BTW: I like Killian and Company’s internship page. The linked page describes their Intern Creativity Test. A sample:

What’s your dress code?
Since naked employees tend to be distracting, our dress code asks employees and interns, politely but firmly, to dress. Those who remain persistently, defiantly nude are subject to a reprimand. (We haven’t had to resort to that yet, but we are ever vigilant.)

These guys are good! Of course, anyone who worships at the Shrine of Strunk and White is at the top of my list!

Everything IS bigger in Texas. For example, The College of Liberal Arts at UT Austin has a career center of its own. They offer an interesting take on crafting cover letters, including a progressively improved sample. Check it out:

From Bad to Better to Best: The Evolution of A Cover Letter

Last Thursday, a walk-in candidate drops into a Richmond ad agency:

He’s looking for a job and he’s got his untucked man blouse, pricey jeans and his product laden coif going. He looks like he’s had a facial and waxing prior to his visit and seems to take his physique very seriously. After he’s dropped a bunch of jargon on me that I – even after a mere year in branding and advertising – know he probably got from TV, he leaves with my card so that he can go home and send in his resume for consideration.

So what’s wrong with the cover letter that Mr. Candidate sent to the firm that Curtis works for? Here’s a snippet:

Instead of accepting their offer immediately, I wanted to reiterate my continued interest in Big Guns and to express my hope that we can come to terms on this matter and begin our happy association as soon as possible.

See the whole thing for the awful badness Mr. Candidate exhibits.

Bonus points if you recognized that the firm that employs Curtis is NOT named “Big Guns”.

Job Seeker Advice

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We received this E-mail from a Job Seeker:

FROM: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
SENT: Wednesday, March 22, 2005 10:36 AM
TO: Jobs NU
SUBJECT:regarding a job
ATTACHMENTS: XXXXXXXXXXX.doc

hai
i saw ur ad in nwjobs.com
iam looking for a job in seattle.
i have attached my resume here with for ur referral.
looking forward for ur reply
thanks
XXXXXXXXXXXX

My company did not waste time with a reply at all. Do people actually believe an E-mail like that will get them anywhere?

I suggested we respond with the following:
sry, ur 2 1337

Scotty – the only thing I can say is, “Yes, people do actually believe an e-mail like that will get them somewhere.”

As far as I know, I’ve never hired anyone fluent in Leet.