Horror/Comedy Stories in Staffing!!!!!!

Over on the Recruiting & Staffing forums on the Workforce Management Magazine site, someone today resurrected an old thread about the oddest or funniest moments in staffing. Here are a few good bits:

After sending this one guy to get a urinalysis drug screen. When the report came back, the good news was it was urine; the bad – it wasn’t human.

I hate it when that happens. Then there’s the one about an interesting stress response:

I was doing group interviews. There was a gal that came in and was filling out an application. She took over an hour to fill out the app. I had my back to her and all of a sudden I heard snoring. I looked at her and with pen in hand she had fallen dead asleep on the table. I first thought she was dead!!

Then comes this one from the agency side:

A guy showed up for the interview we set @ Ford. He was meeting my manager in the lobby and then my manager would direct the candidate into Ford’s Interview room where he would leave the candidate with Ford hiring personnel. He was a Controls Engineer who knew Telemecanique (real old and out of style) very well… Ford needed these engineers to train their current Controls Engineers how to work on these new hand-me-down Telemecanique PLCs… so my guy shows up wearing a button down untucked black shirt (top 2 buttons undone so his hair was sticking out of the shirt) with his long greasy black hair (like a rock star) and a pair of jeans (oh! and a gold horn for a necklace)… my boss said when he met the guy, he told him to clean himself up a little before meeting the managers (buttoning the shirt, tucking in, fix the hair a little, etc…) …well then my manager makes the intro and leaves the candidate there with the managers for the interview. He calls me RIGHT AWAY from the parking lot and yells at me for not telling the candidate how to dress.

Well, then Ford calls that afternoon with an offer (quickest offer to this day)… they said that they couldn’t afford to lose him! Well, 2 years later, my controls engineer is now a perm employee who has won so many awards from his group, that they are sending him to MI to meet with some of the big wigs… HA!

Then there’s the ones about woman who always fell off chairs, the guy in the slipping hairpiece, and the temp in crotchless pajama bottoms.

See the whole thing.

Adams strikes back: More drunken lemur Dilbert toons

“Why does it seem as if most of the decisions in my workplace are made by drunken lemurs?”

“Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.”

“Why are talented people so busy?”

“They’re fixing the problems made by people who have time.”

One single post on this blog has received more traffic than any other: Man fired for posting ‘Dilbert’ comparing boss to drunken lemur. Back in December, I posted a snip from the Des Moines Register on how casino employee Dave Steward locked horns with his managers about a posted cartoon. Cartoonist Scott Adams even commented on the absurdity of the situation on his DilbertBlog.

This week, Adams did more than muse on it – he actually has Wally experience what Steward did. Of course, Adam’s version is funnier. Check it out:

20-Feb-08: Pointy-Haired Boss, “Our surveillance cameras caught you posting this anti-management comic on the wall.“

21-Feb-08: Catbert, “You won’t be eligible for unemployment benefits unless you can prove you were stupid as opposed to malicious.“

22-Feb-08: Wally, “The company will be fine without my secret and exclusive knowledge of critical systems.“

23-Feb-08: Dogbert, “Would you say you worship Satan, or do you simply respect his no-nonsense approach to discipline?“

The Dogbert Gazette Des Moines Register also has a follow-up story.

Now Not to Get a Job: Just Ask

Here’s a new job hunting tactic: Crash the company and startle the people who work there:

I’ve just had a situation that reminds me just how silly some people can be. I’m sat here working and some chap walks up behind me and starts talking to me:

Him: “Hello mate, I’m currently studying [so and so] and looking to talk to someone.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Him: “Can I speak to you about a job?”
Me: “I’m sorry, who are you, I don’t understand?”
Him: “I’m just walking around agencies trying to get a job.”

He’d somehow managed to get past reception, use the elevator (that requires a code to use) and walk into the office and start asking me for a job. I politely told him that I couldn’t help him, and even if I could I think he’s going about it the wrong way and I would suggest he looks at how he’s touting himself around.

I mean, if you wanted a job would you seriously walk into the office of an agency, walk up to a complete stranger (who could be anyone in any position) and ask for a job? Has anyone actually got a job like that? Or has anyone actually given a job like that?

This posting come to you from across the pond thanks to Mark Hadfield a.k.a. That Gormandizer Man. See the whole thing for the details.

NotJobs: How Not to Get a Tax (or Other) Job by TaxGirl

It’s a bird… It’s a plane… It’s Taxgirl! TaxGirl, a.k.a. Kelly Phillips Erb, is a tax attorney who blogs (a lot – But she likes caffeine!). In How Not to Get a Tax (or Other) Job, TaxGirl covers her recent experiences in hiring. We’ve seen some of her points before, but she found a couple of new one:

2. Call me instead of sending a resume. To this day, my favorite jobseeker was the guy from UPenn who actually called and left this message (almost verbatim): “Yeah, um, hi, this is Bob. I went to Penn Law. If you want to hire me, you can call me at xxx.xxx.xxxx” Right, Bob. I’ll get right on that. Apparently that Ivy League education of yours failed to teach you how to send a resume.
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4. FedEx your resume. This is a pet peeve of mine, especially if it requires a signature. I am too damn busy to sign for your freaking resume. And the fact that you’re sending it via FedEx says to me (true or not) that (1) you’re desperate to be recognized and (2) you have enough money already.

I’ve had some people leave some pretty awful voice mail messages, but I’ve never had someone message me instead of submitting a resume.

See the whole post for TaxGirl’s take on How Not to Get a Job.

NotJobs: Biggest Interview Errors

On the CFO Magazine web site, Marie Leone has a useful article on How Not to Get a Job:

“I Blew It”: Biggest Interview Errors
Your résumé has opened the door. But recruiters point to the traps that candidates fall into, and offer tips for making a better impression.
Marie Leone
CFO.com | US

Your Mother Was Right
First impressions do count. And as obvious as it may sound, candidates still strike out when it comes to grooming and dressing for an interview, notes Hack, who leads Heidrick & Struggles’s financial officers’ practice.
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The Two-Minute Drill
Eldridge is amazed at how the best candidates seem able to summarize a 25-year career sharply and precisely in two minutes.
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Question Authority, and Everything Else
One of the biggest mistakes candidates make is not asking questions, says Hack. Too few questions may suggest to an interviewer that a candidate is unengaged and uninterested in the job.
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Just Like an Earnings Call
“Everything on a résumé is subject to audit,” notes Eldridge, introducing one true horror story. A CFO’s résumé had noted that he worked closely with the CEO on a big merger deal five years before. But when the interviewer asked the CEO’s name, the candidate’s mind went blank.
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Talking Money
Recruiters at retained search firms usually pass along current salary requirements of a candidate to the hiring company. It’s a mistake not to be ready to discuss compensation in an interview if asked; specifically, what it will cost to get them to move to a new job.

See the whole article for the details.

Corporate Life: This MUST be Boulder

This request appeared today on the e-mail list for Boulder, Colorado HR folks.

Hi!

We allow employees to bring their dogs to work. This worked great when only a couple of employees wanted to do this. Now the number is growing.

We are wondering if there are any other local companies who allow dogs to come into the workplace. If so, have you instituted dog policies?

If you do have a dog policy, would you be willing to share it with me?

Sincerely,

Stephanie

I’ve been working in the “People’s Republic of Boulder” for over 10 years, and I’ve seen the doggie-at-work thing many, many times. I’ve actually had people accept a job because of it.

Can anyone help out Stephanie?

UPDATE 14-FEB: Check out the thread by Mike M on The Furry Receptionist